Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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