I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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