Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
