If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
