His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
