bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
