I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
