I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
