Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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