Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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