He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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