I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
