your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
