your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
