Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
