i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
