Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize