my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
