Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize