He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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