I can tuck mytits in my pants
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
