he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
