you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
bring money and cleavage
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
