Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
