Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
