my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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