Apparently you make a good broom.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
