This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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