I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
