"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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