Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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