She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
