ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
