1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
