I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
And my parents said I crawled through the house
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize