i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
