i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
