She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Come share oat with me in your robe
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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