hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
