I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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