White coat. Heels.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
