I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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