so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
