Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
