It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
