This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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