When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
