I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
