I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
