I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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