I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
