I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
