please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
