Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
