Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
