I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
