I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize