'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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