I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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