Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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