Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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