I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize