If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
