I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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