wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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