My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
